Romance on the road




David Whitley tackles the thorny issue of love, lust and relationships on a round the world trip. Just what is the done thing?

It would be fair to assume that most people planning to go off on a round the world adventure are not monks or nuns who have taken a vow of chastity. It would also be fair to assume, therefore, that anyone going away from home for a significant amount of time is likely to have some sort of romantic encounter, even if it’s merely an amorous glance at a particularly attractive stranger.

Picking up

For others, those romantic encounters will be considerably more advanced. And it is here that the first, most important rule comes into play. And that is that you do not have sex in a hostel dorm room, whatever the circumstances. Do it on the beach, in a car park, in the shower, wherever – just not in a room full of other people who really want to pretend it’s not happening. If you are sharing a room with a friend, then an unwritten but understood agreement is needed. Either the conquistador pays for a separate room, or (s)he slips the unsuccessful friend the requisite cash to get out and find somewhere else to rest the head for a night.

It gets an awful lot trickier when things develop beyond the wild drunken monkey sex one night stand, however. If you’re staying in one place for some time, feelings and relationships can develop. The easy option is to say that you shouldn’t let this sort of thing get in the way of your trip. But lots of happy marriages have started out as chance meetings whilst abroad. There are no hard and fast rights and wrongs.

The important thing is to retain a sense of perspective. If the fling/ relationship becomes the be all and end all, then you’re going to miss out on a lot. It’s also not healthy – it might seem like unbridled passion at the time, but may seem like foolish delusion later. You can be with the person – that doesn’t have to stop you from seeing and doing things. It’s also important to be mature enough to recognise that you may wake up from the dream eventually – you need to be capable of coping with the range of possible consequences. In other words, enjoy it while it lasts – and if it doesn’t last, deal with it.

If, for example, you’re on a long overland expedition and you end up getting it on with someone on the first boozy night, it may well be excruciating sitting on the bus with that person for the next 28 days. A burgeoning ego and easily-wounded pride are not going to do you any favours if so.

The boyfriend or girlfriend back home

It’s happened a million times before. One member of a pair goes travelling for a year, the other stays at home. They both promise to stay faithful. And they both manage it for a few weeks – even months – before one or the other cracks in a moment of drunken lust. Some relationships do survive a long period apart, but they’re surely in the statistical minority.

Again, it’s about going in with your eyes open. People do change when they travel for a long time, they experience vastly different things and lifestyles to the ones that are experienced by the partner back home. The relationship may be strong enough to last. But at least go in knowing that there’s a high chance that it isn’t.

Travelling in a relationship

The scenario is somewhat different if you set off on the trip with your partner. Travelling with someone is a pretty intensive experience. You’re generally going to be with them every day, do most things together, and be placed in a lot of unfamiliar scenarios where different approaches to the issues are going to be put under the spotlight.

There’s also going to have to be continual compromise. Virtually every day you’re going to have to make choices on cost versus comfort, active versus relaxing, out versus in, stay versus go and now versus later. It’s inevitable that you’re not going to agree with each other on everything, and it’s also inevitable that you’ll both have days when you’re a bit crabby and unreasonably snappy.

Travelling together puts personalities under the microscope. You have to accept that there will be times when you don’t get on – it’s only natural. The ability to step back and not turn a mountain into a molehill will come in handy here. Sure, you can store up every little niggling grievance for when the row finally does break out, but it’s not really going to do any good. It’s not a competition.

I’d also say that a major mistake is to assume you have to do absolutely everything together. If one of you wants to go and climb the big hill and the other wants to sit in a café, then it doesn’t have to be a straight choice between hike and coffee. It’s OK to split up for a few hours, give yourself a bit of much-needed space and do something you enjoy. You can get back together at a designated time, having both enjoyed the time apart. That’s cool – it’s not a sign you don’t love each other any more. It’s a sign that you don’t necessarily need to live in each other’s pocket 24/7.

The same applies to when you make friends on the road, or if you’re staying in one city for a bit. It’s OK if one of you goes out or stays out longer while the other takes a breather. And you’ll probably both have ar more rewarding experiences if people see you as two individuals who choose to be together rather than one giant Siamese twinmonster that is an unbreakable single entity.

Also worth reading: A cautionary tale of love on the road: what you need to know about travelling with your partner by Shaney Hudson here

Any other tips for romance of the road? Tips/comments below as per usual. Thanks




< Prev   Next >
 

Comments  

 
# Tom @ HeadingThere 2011-09-08 10:23
Hilarious stuff! I think the first time I went travelling with my wife (then girlfriend) it was the making of our relationship, but with all the rows I can see how it could have been the breaking of it too! Great advice about not sticking together 24-7, we learned that on later trips and travel much more smoothly together these days.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote