Some people in airports are just odd, as David Whitley discovers when he passes through on his way to more exotic climes

Airports are hardly a barrel of fun at the best of times, but it tends to be the people within them that make the airport experience so teeth-gratingly annoying. This is partly due to sheer numbers. Even if 90% of people are behaving in a relatively sane, unobtrusive manner, that 10% still represents a large volume of numpties. Everyone has their own least favourite types of airport behaviour, but these are the ones I just can’t understand...

Standing on the moving walkways
The clue is in the name. They are not a ride for the fat and lazy. The purpose is to get people where they need to be quicker, not slow things down because people can’t be arsed to put one foot in front of the other.

Wearing loads of jewellery to fly
What can possibly make you think that dressing head to foot in bling before getting on a plane is a good idea? You’re going to have to spend ages taking it all off before you go through the security scanner. Either that or ages taking it off after going through the security scanner when you set it off because you think that, for some reason, all those metal things you’re wearing don’t count as metal.

Trying to take a sea of liquid
The hand luggage liquid restrictions have been in place for over 10 years. There is no possible excuse for not knowing that you can only take 100ml bottles of liquid through security. Yet every time you queue up, you’ll see someone who is massively aggrieved because they can’t take a litre-and-a-half of drink, or a 250ml bottle of sun cream. They’ll always use the “but I didn’t think it counted” line too.

Drinking a pint of Stella at 6am
You don’t have to have a pint purely because you’re going on holiday. It’s going to taste HORRIBLE first thing in the morning, and everyone knows it.

Paying for a massage chair
I must fly 20 or 30 times a year. And it is very rarely that I have ever seen anyone use those black massage chairs. I occasionally see someone sit in one, ponder how it works, then realise it costs two pounds to use. I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would put that two pounds in. Do these chairs make any kind of money? We need to be told.

Buying a ticket to win a totally impractical car
In another excellent use of airport space, there is also a big, shiny, expensive car on some sort of platform. And you can buy a ticket for the lottery to win said car for just £50. I can’t imagine ever being bored or stupid enough to make this seem like a good idea.

Waiting for a boarding call before going to the toilet
My mum does this all the time. Even though the boarding time is marked on the ticket, and the screens helpfully count down the time prior to boarding. But instead of going three or four minutes before the call is due to be made, she has to go as soon as the announcement has finished, inevitably sparking panic and the worst seats on the plane if they’re not pre-assigned.

Standing up to queue for boarding when seats are already assigned
The flip side is people who will queue up to board an hour before the boarding commences, even though they’ve got a seat assigned and being first on the plane will make no practical difference. Sit down chaps, there’s no prize.

What do people do in airports that annoys or perplexes you? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

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