All adventurous travellers are, at some stage, captivated by the myth of the rainforest: that pristine emerald world where the silence is broken only by the singing of the birds or perhaps the uplifting serenade of the gibbons. While these are a part of the lure of the jungle, the harsh reality is sometimes a little different. Spend a little ‘quality time’ in that Garden of Eden and it soon becomes apparent that every living thing has decided to dedicate its life mission to your torment. If it can’t bite you, it will sting you. If it can’t sting you, it will scratch. If it can’t scratch it will, at the very least, give you a very nasty suck. As a photographer friend of mine – no stranger to jungle travel himself – once succinctly put it, “it can very quickly begin to get right on your tits!”

The key to a safe and enjoyable jungle trip is to hire experienced guides and in rural or tribal communities you can often get a village headman to recommend someone for you. Tribal boundaries, inclement weather or domestic obligations may still keep you from finding guides. Patience or generosity may win through but if, for example, you’ve had the bad luck to arrive at a crucial stage in the rice season then all the generosity in the world will not replace one iota of patience.

Try to find out the daily wage for a skilled labourer and offer slightly more depending upon whether you wish to hire guides or porters. Resist the temptation to refer to currency exchange rates (and so set up an unrealistic ‘tourist economy’). Instead haggle but offer an unspecified bonus, to be paid ‘if you are happy when you arrive at your destination.’ That is the time to be generous and you will also be able to give away any equipment that you might not wish to carry back to ‘civilisation.’

If you want to take time to watch the wildlife, arrange to pay your guides by the day. If, however, your challenge is to cross a specific area in a relatively limited time period agree to pay for the entire trip - but you may regret it when you see how fast your guides can travel through dense jungle. The provisions that your team can carry will also limit the amount of time that you can spend in the wilderness. My dreams of an idyllic crossing of rainforests in South East Asia, Africa and Latin America have been quashed very quickly - less by my own overwhelming chocoholism than by the realisation that my local companions were themselves very happy to spend time in the wilderness . . . until the rice runs out.

Nasi, riz, arroz, vary, khao - whatever name it goes by, boiled rice is inescapable in many of the world’s jungles and your expedition may effectively be limited by the logistical difficulties of carrying more than three week’s supply. All that rice does, however, have one useful by-product: pour water into the pot, leaving the burnt crust around the rim, and set it boiling again. Rano vary (or ‘whisky Malgache’) is the most common drink in rural Madagascar and it makes a welcome change when your only other reliable water supply tastes of chlorine tablets.

Vitamin and iron supplements can go a long way to keeping you on your feet during a tough journey but timing your trip to coincide with prime fruit season is infinitely better for morale. A guide/hunter may occasionally be able to supply you with fresh meat but it will be your responsibility to ensure that he doesn’t shoot indiscriminately - a dead orangutan could really take away your appetite.

A strong stomach is often the surest way to keep the rest of you strong. You may have once turned your nose up at brussels sprouts but fried bamboo bugs, giant ants and barbecued anteater can really make a big difference to the day’s third dish of boiled rice. In the rainy season most of your clothing and equipment is likely to be wet and muddy much of the time but a change of dry clothes when you make camp in the afternoon helps to keep spirits high. Putting the wet gear back on in the morning is unpleasant, but within ten minutes you don’t notice the difference.

Even the SAS agree that a good night’s sleep is a top priority. The best bet is a lightweight jungle hammock that comprises a fully enclosed mossinet chamber so that you’re not likely to wake up with a poisonous centipede or a lonesome cobra trying to snuggle its way into the warmth of your nooks and crannies. When you consider the dangers inherent in such a simple thing as a twisted ankle in remote country you recognise the importance of a sturdy pair of boots. Elasticated bandages worn underneath the socks not only reduce blisters but act as an almost impenetrable leech guard. (Nevertheless, in one rainy morning in Borneo I removed a total of 72 leeches from my legs).

Imagine where you would least like to find a leech: you now know where they most want to go. Loose cotton clothing not only aids air circulation but it also allows frequent ‘delving.’ Lowe Alpine make a range of carefully designed tropical clothing from Desertweave fabric - unbelievably fast-drying and crease-resistant. The most dangerous creature in the world’s jungles is undoubtedly the mosquito. Before leaving on a long jungle trip I make it my personal mission to impregnate everything within reach and to generally make myself as repellent as possible. Even so, on two consecutive expeditions I contracted malaria twice. It may be a world of slime, sweat, spines, stingers, suckers and sicknesses but once you’ve spent ‘quality time’ in one of the world’s great jungles it keeps luring you back. You might even say it gets into your blood.